“When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.”—An excerpt from a letter that Richard Feynman wrote to his late wife, 16 months after she passed away at the age of 25. (via sublimedreams)
I am officially depressed. I can’t be inside my own brain unoccupied for a second without wanting to cry. And there is absolutely nothing I can do to make it better.
And I feel very very very very very alone. Everyone I’ve ever cared about at one time or another has been taken from me, or hates me, or unavailable.
God what the hell is happening? I have never had this many people ditch me. I know its the internet and you guys don’t want to hear a sob story or whatever but I don’t care. I feel worthless, abandoned, thrown away, forgotten, evil, toxic, negative, judged.
Like I’ve said for many years friends are just not worth it because they will hurt you. Without a doubt. And I’m toxic. I hurt people every time I try to do good. Idk why but every single time I help someone and try to be selfless, I somehow hurt them.