Social anxiety and introversion are often mistakenly considered the same thing and used interchangeably. As someone who struggled with social anxiety disorder in the past, and did a lot of research on the subject in the efforts to overcome it, I’d like to clear up a few misconceptions about social anxiety and introversion.
They might seem to have a lot in common on the surface, but their root cause is very different.
Introversion is a personality trait which, in itself, doesn’t make the person suffer and can’t be changed much throughout life. Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is a mental health disorder that can be very distressing and can be overcome with the right self-help approach and/or therapy.
Let’s see why they might seem like the same thing, and the root causes behind each one of them, showing how they are actually two very different states.
1. A socially anxious person and an introvert both tend to avoid socializing.
Introverts recharge their batteries when they are alone, while socializing drains the energy out of them. That doesn’t mean they never enjoy being around people. But they will pick their company rather carefully and don’t want to waste their time and energy on small talk and going to big parties. They prefer calm places and deep, long conversations with a handful of people.
I want to elaborate on this a bit about the differences between introversion and social anxiety based on my education and personal experience.
Introversion is like described above where a person may feel drained from certain social interactions as opposed to extroverts who usually become more energized. Introversion also does not mean that people don’t want friends or don’t enjoy socializing, it just means that their type of socializing may be different. For instance, for me I am in the middle between introversion and extroversion. I like parties but not for the mingling aspect but for the opportunity to find someone that I can sit down with and have a long conversation. I also like game nights where everything is very surface and you don’t really have to worry about small talk because you can just play or watch the game.
Social anxiety, however, is a completely different situation. An extrovert can have social anxiety because often social anxiety is about specific situations. For instance, for me I can stand at a table and some stranger can approach me asking for help and I am completely fine chatting and helping them and being welcoming and funny, etc., but making a phone call or answering the phone? I will be in tears having a panic attack begging whoever is around me to not make me have to call this person. Social anxiety is rooted in a deep anticipation of a negative interaction or judgement from the other person. Parties may terrify you because you worry you may say something stupid, for me, parties with people I don’t know terrify me because I am worried I am going to be alone in a corner and people will pity me for it. Do I have an issue with being alone in a corner? absolutely not. It is the judgement that I am anticipating that tears me up inside and makes me want to stay at home. So an extrovert can be totally fired up at parties and love socializing, but be terrified of specific situations like large crowds, phone calls, answering the door, etc.
Social anxiety also doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t WANT to socialize, for instance, I love chatting. I used to talk on the phone for hours with friends, and if I had someone that wanted to do that with me now, I would be fine with it. But phones still terrify me. I also love meeting new people and going to parties with people I don’t know, but I also have the terror that comes with it and overpowers me.
I graduated from college this past May and after nearly losing my mind, I forced myself to take time off from everything and anything before I signed myself up for more responsibility. Partly for myself to recover and celebrating never having to do that shit again, and partly for my husband so he can have a wife for the first time in our marriage. (I transferred to university 3 months after we got married, and lost my shit)
After an agonizingly boring summer and an even more agonizingly boring start to the fall, I am over it. I finally have room to process my emotional issues, but I am losing my mind in the process.
I also signed up for a 545 mile bike ride from SF to LA next summer because, again, I am crazy and I needed a goal.
Now that I am stepping out of my “season of rest,” I am considering a second job bussing/barbacking so that I can eventually start bartending, and so I can actually help with finances instead of making a measly $800/month which is fine when you are full time in school, but not fine when you spend almost every waking hour playing games on your phone and wondering why you have no money.
ALSO
I am seriously considering cosmetology/barbering school… at the same time as working towards being a bartender… because again, I am crazy.
Why on earth would you do that to yourself you may ask?
1. I am going through a quarter life crisis realizing that all of my work experience is with children and well, I hate kids. I am totally fascinated by them and love helping them do better, but when I am not working, I don’t want anything to do with them. For example, I think children who can’t be responsible alone (so like, under the age of a RESPONSIBLE 8-year-old) shouldn’t be taken to disneyland because they will hardly remember it anyway and they are annoying, and strollers will be the death of me because if you roll over my foot one more time, Sharon, I swear to God….. …So I am kind of done having that be my career trajectory.
2. I want to be more mobile. I want to be able to pick up and move away if I want to because it is very likely that I move to Portland in the next 2-to-3 years for a time to embrace my identity that I have been stifling in my hometown, with my home-friends, and my home-churches, my entire life. It will probably not be permanent, because San Diego will always be home and one of my favorite places to be, but it is something I want to explore. Perhaps when I leave, I will lose a majority of my reputation as a certain kind of person and I can come back with a new-ish clean-ish slate and if I embrace the level of asshole that I am, people won’t be shocked, they will just say “oh, portland must have changed her” when in reality, I am an asshole, I just don’t want to let it out because of reason 3 below…. and then I won’t want to run away anymore.
3. I want to work somewhere where I won’t be fired or have a stern talking to if I curse online (hence my posting this on my neglected tumblr account and not my instagram). I want to know that I can get the rest of the tattoos that I plan to get without fucking up my career path. I want my hair color to be understood and respected because I am in the right fucking career for it. It will be seen as a fashion choice (because that is what it is) and not a sign that I can’t be trusted (which is absolutely NOT what it is, Sharon).
So yeah, I am figuring out how to get a busser/bartender job, and also figuring out how to budget cosmetology/barbering school.
Side note, for the cosmetology/barbering aspect, the reason that I am combining it in description is because I plan to get my barbering license per the suggestion of my cosmetologist best friend, but do a crossover program so I can still learn styling, more advanced color placement techniques, etc., that way I can cut/color/style all kinds of women’s and men’s hair, while also being licensed to use a straight razor and being a badass with clippers. This also enables me to learn more in-depth about hair and not waste my time learning about makeup, nails, skincare, etc. and just focus solely on hair which is all that I want. I don’t give a fuck about those other things. I just want to be a fucking hair wizard with clippers and scissors (and a bowl of color).
